Burn me!
by shizuyue
Summary: [one-shot] a.k.a. 'What happens when Jacques get roasted'. My first try at Suikoden 3 humour. For once, no shonen-ai.


**Burn Me!**

Author's Notes

Disclaimer: Genso Suikoden 3 does not belong to me, much as I wish to own a couple of the bishies.

Seluna says: Wrote this originally to put on a forum but since it can be counted as a decent fanfic, I'm putting it here in to share with everyone. Was inspired when my sister told me about something real funny about her Suikoden 3. Oh... I inserted my sister under the name 'Yume-chan' here as well. Added on 26 December 2004 I edited the grammar, hopefully it's better.

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"No! Not another friggin Troll Dragon!" Jacques lowered his big nice-looking crossbow and yelled in dismay. The others turned and looked sympathetically at the blond who just lost his composure.

"Erm... Jacques..." Aila tapped the poor boy's shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Good luck."

"Nooooooooooo!"

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"How's the short trip to Caleria?" Hugo looked up and asked the returning group. He glanced quickly at the group and stopped his eyes on Jacques. "Let me guess... more than ten encounters with the dragons?"

"I say more than twenty." Chris stepped up beside him and commented.

"Considering his state... I think they met more than thirty." Lord of the Homeland, Thomas, walked out of the castle and spoke.

"Actually, we met a grand total of fifty-two Troll Dragons." Ace delivered the answer to the little guessing game, ignoring the rare dirty look Jacques was shooting him.

"That was better than last time. I remember his clothes were so badly damaged he needed another new set." Percival joined the little gathering at the door and reassured 'helpfully'.

BANG!

The group gathered at the door and the group that just returned to the Homeland observed a few moments of silence after the loud sound rang out.

"Did he... just ran into the castle and slammed the front door?" Someone asked quietly.

"I believe he did." Someone else answered helpfully.

"You guys really went too far this time." Geddoe said seriously. "Aila, can you check on him?"

"Yes. I'm worried too. Jacques is my friend." The Karayan girl replied and went towards the door.

"Oh and Aila," Queen stopped the girl quickly, and continued after she got Aila's attention. "Bring Jacques a new set of clothing."

Aila nodded and disappeared into the doorway. The people who were still stoned at the entrance followed her with their eyes and silence realmed again. For a very short time.

"... Does Jacques have a Burn-me sign on his forehead, or is he plain unlucky?"

"... It's more like the words Burn-me are painted all over him."

"... I agree."

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"Why me? Why me! What did I do to deserve this fate!"

knock knock

"Yes?" Jacques raised his head from his hands and answered quickly out of habit, before he realized that he did not want to talk... but it was too late.

Aila entered the room and looked at him worriedly, "You okay?"

"No." Jacques lowered his head into his hands again.

"Here. Queen told me to give you a new set of clothes. Yours look badly burnt up already." Aila put down the small pile of light blue and white clothes beside Jacques.

"I know." Came the muffled reply.

"Have you any idea why this keep happening to you?" Aila dragged a chair near and sat down in front of Jacques before asking carefully.

"No! I have no idea why I keep getting burnt by those pesky Troll Dragons! I don't even look like firewood! Why do they keep burning me! And it hurts too! Do I have a Burn-me sign pinned on my back or something? Why is this happening to me!" Jacques abruptly looked up and ranted loud and long.

Aila could only look with wide eyes at the Jacques that was not behaving like his usual self.

"Hey you out there! Yume-chan!" Jacques suddenly stood up and glared furiously at the roof... to be more exactly, at something beyond the roof. "I know one of the others found a Fire Amulet. Why didn't you equip me with it! I know you are biased to Hugo but you know that I am being burnt every now and then. Now, give me that Fire Amulet!"

"H-hai!" A fuzzy voice that came from nowhere squeaked out a word that seemed to pacify Jacques a little. Just a tiny weeny little bit. Aila however, was shocked beyond any form of response, until Jacques looked at her worriedly.

"Aila?"

"Y-yes, Jacques?" The Karayan blinked her wide, still-stuck-in-disbelieving-state eyes at the crossbow-user.

"You okay?"

"N- I mean yes!" Aila finally pulled herself together and smiled somewhat unnaturally at Jacques who was eyeing her suspiciously. She gulped nervously and asked, "Who was that voice?"

"Yume-chan. That gameplayer who frequently left us to sleep our days away in here because she forgot to explore our Suikoden 3 story." Jacques gave her a long, rather detailed explanation on the identity of fuzzy voice.

"Oh." Aila blinked in disbelief.

knock knock

"Yes?" Jacques answered without thinking, again.

"Jacques? Estella sent me with an errand... e-erm... w-why are you looking at me like that?" Rody, who just came into the room looked at the blond nervously.

Well, anyone would, when the normally calm and nice Jacques was looking at you with a calculative and evil gleam in his eyes.

"You... have the Firefly rune, right?" Jacques asked softly, in a way that sent shivers dashing up and down a person's spine.

"Y-yes." Poor Rody answered quickly.

"Very good. Come with me... no wait outside first, I'll be with you in a moment. And don't you try to run away." The evil evil gleam in Jacque's eyes amplified as he pushed the stunned Aila and Rody outside his room. After closing the door, he changed his clothes as fast as he can, smirking all the while.

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"Y-yes. A real fight is training also." Rody replied in a small small voice when Geddoe asked if he is willing to join them in the next trip. The leader did not miss the look Jacques was directing to the poor boy, but he went with whatever the strange-acting crossbow-user of his unit was planning.

The day came, when it was Geddoe and his unit's team to get supplies at the neighboring towns and villages. Rody, of course, who dragged along by Jacques who was in an amazingly good mood. The blond had cooled down considerably and returned to his normal self until that particular day. The evil Jacques was back.

When they encountered a Troll Dragon, everyone looked at Jacques in surprise, as the long-suffering expression he used to wear was nowhere to be found. Instead, he was spotting a smirk.

The others were distinctly uncomfortable at Jacques's change and wondered what brought about it. They soon got their answer, when the Troll Dragon went after the panicking and teleporting Rody instead of the triumphantly grinning blond.

Jacques found his Burn-me substitute.

So from that day on, whenever Jacques was involved in a trip, poor Rody got dragged along. No matter how the latter tried to hide, he was eventually found and forced to tag along with the crossbow-user. Until one day, when he finally could not take it anymore, he applied leave with Estella and fled far far away before Jacques could find him.

Needless to say, Jacques suffered from his Burn-me curse once again.

----------The End----------


End file.
